weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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