Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
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The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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