if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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