Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
