3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
