Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
