OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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