I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
