Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
