I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
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