just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
