are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
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