I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
