I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
