I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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