i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
