I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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