My nipple is on Facebook.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
