using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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