well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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