Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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