She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
