i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
