she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
