a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i believe in u and ur pee
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
