I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
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I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
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75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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