So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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