Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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