What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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