How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
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Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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