I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
