I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Who died my cat blue again?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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