Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
