kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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