Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
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