pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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