dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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