I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You are the jesus of drinking
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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