hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
