They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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