Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
