Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
