i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
