yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
