theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize