i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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