I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
