She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
