i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
