i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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