it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
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