The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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