Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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