i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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