I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
