I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
