Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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