You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
