Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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