It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
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I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
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He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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