Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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