Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
accomplished twins. life is a go
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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