I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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