Christians are straight up FREAKS
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
