Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Even my vagina gasped.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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