it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
