med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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