i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
