Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
