he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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