I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
