sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
