oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
