So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
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Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
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Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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