when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize