There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
