i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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