I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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