oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
