she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
